Coping With the Holidays — Part 2: Getting Through the Hard Parts
If you read Part 1, you know that the holiday season can be A LOT. Even when we really love parts of it, that doesn’t mean we won’t also feel stressed, sad, or under pressure. As the rest of the holidays approach — and with the new year around the corner — those feelings can intensify.
This isn’t about making the holidays perfect or problem-free. It’s about naming what’s hard, understanding why certain moments feel so intense, and offering some gentle ways to get through — especially when you’re feeling triggered, overstimulated, or emotionally drained. So for anyone feeling this way this holiday season… this one is for you.
When Gatherings Feel Like Too Much
I feel like the holidays really start to feel overwhelming when we keep saying yes to everything. Yes to the holiday party. Yes to the girls’ night. Yes, I’ll go to both my family and my husband’s family — even though they’re three hours apart.
On top of that, gatherings often mean more people, more noise, and more conversations. Questions like “How’s work going?” or “When are you giving us a grandbaby?” get thrown into the mix, with very little time to decompress. It can all start to feel like… a lot.
You might notice yourself feeling anxious before you even arrive, wanting to cancel at the last minute, or feeling like you’re “on” the entire time instead of actually present. Sometimes it’s not one specific interaction that’s hard — it’s the accumulation of everything.
If this resonates, it doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, antisocial, or doing something wrong. It usually means your nervous system is overloaded and trying to keep up with a lot at once.
Family Triggers and Old Patterns
For a lot of people, being around family during the holidays can bring up a whole lot. Old roles and patterns tend to resurface, and it can be incredibly easy to slip back into dynamics you thought you had outgrown.
Sometimes it’s not even intentional. It can be the questions or comments about relationships, careers, finances, or having children that hit harder than expected.
You might suddenly feel:
Like the responsible one again
Like the peacekeeper
Like the child who doesn’t quite get it right
Like you need to explain or defend yourself
These reactions aren’t random. They’re learned responses that get activated in familiar environments. Awareness doesn’t make them disappear — but it does give you more choice in how you respond.
In-the-Moment Tools for When You’re Triggered
When emotions spike, this isn’t the time for deep insight or perfect communication. It’s about getting through the moment.
A few simple things that can help:
Ground through your body. Put your feet flat on the floor. Press your toes into your shoes. Take a slow breath in and a longer breath out.
Give yourself permission to step away. A bathroom break, fresh air, or a short walk can help reset your system.
Use neutral responses. You don’t have to engage or explain everything. “Hmm,” “I’ll think about that,” or changing the subject are all allowed.
Lower the bar. This is not the time to resolve lifelong family issues.
Sometimes the goal isn’t to feel good — it’s to feel less activated.
Protecting Your Relationship During the Holidays
If you’re partnered, the holidays can put extra strain on the relationship. Different family expectations, travel, finances, and exhaustion can lead to more tension.
A few reminders:
You and your partner are on the same team
Stress can make both people more reactive
Small check-ins matter (“How are you doing right now?”)
Repair matters more than being right
Even small moments of connection — a shared look, a quick squeeze of the hand, stepping outside together — can help regulate both of you.
The Emotional “Hangover” Is Real
Many people don’t expect how tired they feel after holiday events. Emotional exhaustion often hits once things slow down.
You might notice:
Needing extra sleep
Feeling flat or irritable
Wanting more alone time
Feeling unexpectedly emotional
This doesn’t mean something went wrong. It means your system worked hard.
When you can, plan for recovery:
Keep your schedule lighter the next day
Hydrate, eat regular meals, and rest
Avoid overanalyzing everything that was said or done
Be gentle with yourself
A Reminder as the Year Wraps Up
You’re allowed to get through the holidays imperfectly.
You’re allowed to opt out of conversations, traditions, or expectations that feel like too much.
You’re allowed to rest instead of reflect.
You’re allowed to survive this season — not optimize it.
The holidays don’t need to be healed, fixed, or mastered. Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is simply take care of yourself as best you can.