The Truth About Couples Therapy

I seriously cannot begin to tell you how many couples come into sessions saying, “We just need to work on our communication.”

However, couples counseling is so much more than just communication work.

Honestly, when couples say that, I usually respond with:

“I think everyone says this—but I never really know what that means.”

Because the truth is, couples therapy isn’t just about learning how to talk. It’s about learning how to be heard and understood—which, in turn, creates deeper connection.

What Couples Therapy Actually Is

1. A Space for Connection — Not Blame

I tell my couples all the time: if we’re fighting to win or to see who’s more “right”, we’ve already lost.

I often use a sports analogy here:
You both play for the Knicks, but somewhere along the way, you started acting like opponents. One of you’s on the Nets, the other’s on the Heat—but you’re actually on the same team.

When we fight to win, when we blame our partner for everything, we’ve lost before we’ve even started.

A good session sounds less like a courtroom and more like a conversation. You’ll learn how to express needs, not criticisms or accusations.

2. A Guided Process

There’s a framework—literally.

I’ve been trained in the Gottman Method, which helps couples break old patterns and build new ones. Together, we’ll look at your relationship habits, practice communication skills, strengthen connection, and learn how to repair after conflict—step by step.

It’s about learning to listen, hear, and understand each other more deeply.

3. A Way to Learn New Skills

We call them “relationship skills” for a reason—because doing relationships well takes practice.

In therapy, couples learn how to:

• Listen without interrupting

• Disagree without destroying connection

• Turn toward each other instead of away (which strengthens intimacy)

• Regulate emotions when they become too much (also known as “flooding”)

These are learned skills—and the good news is, anyone can learn them.

4. A Safe Container for Hard Conversations

Therapy provides a space most people don’t have at home.

It’s a safe, guided environment to talk about the hard stuff—sex, resentment, trust, disconnection—with someone who can help you navigate it in a healthy way.

My job isn’t to referee or judge. It’s to help you slow things down, communicate safely, and explore why these patterns exist in the first place.

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection.

What Couples Therapy Isn’t

1. It’s Not About Picking Sides

I’m not here to judge—I have no stake in the game.
You can’t “win” couples therapy.

The goal is for both partners to start seeing the relationship itself as the team, and the conflict as the opponent you’re facing together.

2. It’s Not a Quick Fix

Many couples come in after years of doing things a certain way.

If that’s you, remember: this is a pattern that’s been in place for a long time. We can’t unravel it in one session.

Think of it like muscle memory. If you’ve been shooting a basketball one way your whole life and someone tells you there’s a better technique, you don’t just forget the old way overnight.

Change takes time, consistency, and practice—and yes, sometimes even setbacks. But it does work if both partners keep showing up.

3. It’s Not About Changing Your Partner

If you’re coming to therapy to “fix” your partner, it may not work.

The goal isn’t to change your partner—it’s to become the healthiest, most effective version of yourself in the relationship.

That often means working on your own patterns and learning new ways to show up.

4. It’s Not a Replacement for Individual Therapy

A lot of what comes up in couples therapy has deep roots—past trauma, anxiety, attachment wounds.

Couples work helps the relationship, but individual therapy helps you.
Sometimes, doing both is where the real growth happens.

Who Can Benefit

Truly—anyone.

• Newlyweds or long-term partners wanting stronger communication

• Couples navigating big transitions (a move, a baby, deployment, a loss)

• Partners healing after infidelity

• Couples who simply want to feel like teammates again

Couples counseling is for all of you.

The Takeaway

The truth is, every relationship needs tuning from time to time. Couples therapy isn’t a sign something’s broken—it’s a way to reconnect, rebuild, and move forward with more understanding and ease.

If you’re ready to start that process, I’d love to support you in finding your way back to each other.

✨ Learn more or schedule a free consultation with me to start that process together.