Calm on the Outside, Chaos on the Inside
The Hidden Struggle of the Anxious Overachiever
“I don’t know how you do it, you are always so calm.” Or “I could never do what you do.”
There are so many people out there who appear calm, cool, and collected on the outside — but inside, it’s a completely different story. A story full of doubt, overthinking (rumination), and self-criticism.
Exploring High-Functioning Anxiety
What exactly is high-functioning anxiety? Oftentimes, it’s a hidden experience for far too many people. It shows up in those who seem like they “have it all together” — successful, organized, reliable — but who are carrying significant levels of internal struggle.
This struggle can look like:
Perfectionism
Self-doubt
Excessive worry
Harsh self-criticism
All hidden behind a mask of “keeping it together.”
Everyday Signs of High-Functioning Anxiety
Feeling restless even when things are “fine”
Replaying conversations in your head, worrying you said the wrong thing
Feeling like you always need to do more, even when you’ve done enough
Being praised for reliability, while secretly fearing you’re one step away from letting someone down
Why It Stays Hidden
High-functioning anxiety is often missed. I hear clients say things like, “I have a good job, a good life — I really don’t have anything to complain about.”
This mindset can lead people to push through and suffer in silence. Fear of judgment, fear of being seen as weak, or fear of not being “grateful enough” can keep someone quiet. And perfectionism reinforces the silence: when you hold yourself to impossible standards, admitting that things do ruffle you can feel like admitting failure.
The Cost of “Keeping It Together”
So where does this lead? On the outside, you may look incredibly successful — which isn’t a bad thing. But on the inside, you may feel exhausted, consumed by racing thoughts, eager to please, and always holding it together.
All of that effort takes a toll — physically, mentally, and emotionally.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can be the place where you finally get to be real. Where you can set the mask down. It can help you:
Learn grounding tools to interrupt racing thoughts
Break cycles of perfectionism and self-criticism
Practice setting and keeping healthy boundaries
Start finding calm on the inside, not just the outside
Use expressive arts to communicate when words feel too heavy
Process the deeper roots with EMDR — helping your nervous system unlearn the belief that you must be “perfect” to be safe
Just So You Know
If you take anything away from this today, please know that anxiety is not weakness. Somewhere along the way, your nervous system learned to operate in overdrive. Therapy can help you find balance, peace, and a way to continue being high functioning without compromising your well-being.